Anxious - Anxiety - Weak - Needy- Dependent - Clingy
Self-Pity - Apathy - Helplessness - Victim Mentality
Poor Health - Poor Self Esteem - Unable to Cope
Co-Dependency - Co-Dependent Relationships
These difficulties commonly result from significant childhood deprivations. There may have been a serious inconsistency or lack of support or guidance - or the individual has occupied a family role which is used by the individual or targeted by family members to distract from other significant problems in the family system.
A robust sense of self is undeveloped causing these subversive patterns to operate. These manifest in anxiety & weak and needy behaviours which can affect the individual in many ways - making them dependent, clingy and susceptible to victimisation and victim mentality.
Often there are negative internal dialogues, behaviours and self depictions accompanied by a negative self-image and a sense of self-pity and apathy.
Actual or implied pleas for help can prompt either rejection and contempt from others or evoke rescue-fantasies in potential partners who often have their own self-esteem issues. This leads to co-dependent relationships where responsibility for the self is displaced onto others - either actively or passively. This can become powerfully restricting for both partners. The resulting  behaviour patterns become narrow and mutually controlling. Increasingly these are experienced as frustrating, de-energising and passionless.
Often partners as well as the individual concerned need help to learn how to deal with these patterns. Couple therapy can offer a constructive way to develop a proper awareness so that both parties can learn what goes on and develop appropriate responses and strategies.
All such patterns need systematic work over a period to re-energise and develop a positive sense of self - as well as considerable change in life patterns.
 Copyright ©Keith Bibby - Clapham January 2011                                                         Contact Keith Bibby                                                                       << Back