Keith Bibby - Bsc(Hons) Dip EHL/NLP FCRAH ECP UKCP


          Outcome - Oriented ( Ericksonian ) Psychotherapy & Hypnotherapy


          Individual Couple & Relationship Counselling


                                          35 yrs Behavioural science Experience

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Ericksonian Relationship & Couple Counselling

  (  These pages reflect the views and practice of Keith Bibby - this is an Ericksonian viewpoint

              It is not intended to describe the work of other practitioners   )


Introduction : -


Falling in love is generally deeply disturbing.  Like the poets - neuro-biologists have shown it is characterised by hormonal patterns & psychological symptoms akin to madness. Naturally our joinings are often surrounded with an intensity of hope and expectation that life will likely test quite severely.


So there we are - two us ( at least ), each with their own history, connections, capacities and reactions. Ideally we stand to make wonderful gains - or we can more than double the trouble.


Different stages in life bring in a variety of  pressures with varying degrees of intensity. Many are inescapable. ( In a classic and now venerable piece of research, Holmes & Rahe demonstrated that all life changes, whether bad or good, stress us and affect our physical health - some to quite a surprising extent. )


Old ingrained patterns - overlaid with many veneers of  learned adjustment - can suddenly break out and carry us along against our will. Under pressure we are more likely to distort perceptions and thought patterns,  react with ill-founded interpretations and imaginings and discount or be blind  to significant needs, feelings and intuitions in ourselves and our partners.


Sometimes we can be perfectly well aware that we are getting something wrong or ‘not-at-all clever’ but either we can’t - or are only able to stop ourselves with difficulty or at disproportionate cost.  At other times we just don’t know. This is where our vulnerabilities emerge.


It is a rare person who does not sustain some psychological damage in the process of growing up. Conflicts with others and within ourselves usually are most intensely expressed or acted out within the highly charged context of our relationships.  These conflicts have some characteristics which may be commonly recognised  - but since we are all individuals - most are unique to each relationship. How we learn to manage that is important !


Without intensive probing, other people cannot know or truly understand our difficulties. Often they give well-intentioned but misleading and conflicting advice. This hardly helps where experience and behaviours are already very upsetting and confusing - sometimes seeming beyond our control.


When such matters threaten to take on an unsustainable intensity it is advisable to get professional help.  Even the most complex of situations generate patterns - most of them unconscious. An experienced relationship counsellor with the right kind of training can help you to recognise and understand these.  With correct guidance you can also learn how to recognise and change what happens for yourself.


Pattern recognition is at the core of  Ericksonian work - whether we are dealing with Individual Psychotherapy or Relationship Therapy.   In Relationship and Couple Counselling it is extremely effective  in connecting us with and liberating us from these unconscious drivers.  We do this through learning to understand, recognise and interrupt our own and each other’s runaway patterns.  Recognising the personal damage and difficulties underlying our problems we can also take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions and become more kind to ourselves and helpful toward our partners.


So these intense difficulties - and their overcoming - can be the gateway to much deeper understanding - more profound connection and mutual appreciation.


Good psychological adjustment comes with the acceptance of our own and others’ qualities, the affirmation of our own strengths and needs and those of others, and the ability to give assistance to and solicit the help of others in the pursuit of personal well-being and mutual benefit.


I hope that my services may offer useful ways for you to achieve what you want in your relationship.

                                                                                                        Contact Keith Bibby  

                                                                                            

Copyright Keith Bibby © December 2009                                                           >>  Return

  Ericksonian Couple Counselling & Psychotherapy - Clapham Common,    London SW4 9HG, Balham, SW1, SW3, SW4, SW8, SW9, SW11, SW17,    SW12, SW18,SW19, SW20, SW16, SE1  -   TEL 0208 673 6311

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   Keith Bibby   bibbyk@globalnet.co.uk 35yrs Full-time Experience