Ericksonian Relationship & Couple Counselling

       (  These pages reflect the views and practice of Keith Bibby

                    and are not intended to describe the work of other practitioners   )


THE AIMS OF COUPLES THERAPY

             WHAT CAN COUPLES THERAPY  OFFER  ?

                                HOW DOES COUPLES THERAPY HELP ?


Difficulties in relationships are entirely normal;  when these reach sufficient proportion the need for help is as normal as the need to visit a doctor or a dentist.


It often takes skilful enquiry from a trained professional to test and identify what is really going on.  Also there are fundamental principles and ways of behaving which can be recognised in successful relationships. These can be learned and applied.   


On the other hand this is not a formulaic or band-aid approach.  What is happening and exactly what is  to be done and in what way needs to be worked on specifically for each relationship.


In the emotional maelstrom of  mutual aggravation  people are generally unable to comprehend the  lightning fast processes  that occur in their conflicts - nor the range or subtle negative influences that lead to disastrous escalation.  Sometimes, too, from what has every appearance of an untroubled surface there can be unexpected and un-comprehended outbreaks expressing a quiet desperation which has been held for years.


Professional help is often needed to help you recognise, disentangle and simplify the complex web of  actions and reactions and to identify the underlying themes and realities. This is not an easy thing to do. It requires very careful observation and skilful exploration - thorough enough to penetrate to the roots of the difficulty but not so long-winded as to exceed the patience of the participants.


The first aim is to arrive as quickly as possible at measures which the couple can implement at least to maintain the situation and prevent things from deteriorating further.


You and your partner can then, in the course of our exchanges and in the observations that you learn to make in your daily lives, begin to identify your own ' runaway processes ' and the feelings that accompany these.


You learn to separate out the real from the imagined, to attach real meanings to what happens and through new understandings to discover how you can achieve things in a different way.


You help each other to reveal and learn about each other's process.  You become sympathetic to the difficulties each of you has carried - and begin to recognise how these  have played a part in your joint runaway processes.


You find that you can help each other to recognise when such a disruptive pattern is beginning to run. You realise that, with your new skills you can STOP  disruptive processes !  One or other of you can recognise a choice point and act differently  - and help your partner make a positive choice too !


If  you aim to stay together and improve your relationship ...



You can begin to experience successful process and observe how, by doing the constructive thing, your sense of your self and your partner and your experience of togetherness begins to renew and develop.


Repeated success begins to re-build your confidence and trust and your

delight in yourselves and each other.


Progressively these much more productive patterns BECOME A NATURAL PART OF YOU AND THE WAY YOU LIVE AND RELATE.



If   you need to part ... and have children ...


You need to develop ways of  negotiating managing and sharing your relationship with  your children which are -

      - courteous and effective

     - consensual, non-divisive and mutually supportive

      - supporting the children’s appreciation of each parent’s role

     - emotionally and psychologically supportive

     - sustainable, stable and  reliable


Whilst one can say it is never too late to learn, learning later generally comes at a much higher price - both material, psychological  and emotional - for all concerned !


     So... why not ....

                                 do something about it ...

                                                        ... share & enjoy the benefits... NOW !!


                                                                                                                    Contact Keith Bibby


Copyright Keith Bibby ©  December 2009                                                             >>  Return